Settle and Source Sourel

Choosing On Purpose

settleandsource Season 1 Episode 10

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Choosing On Purpose

This episode opens Week Two by asking something honestly, without any expectation about what the answer should be. What is actually true for you right now.

Maybe nothing has changed yet. Maybe everything has. Maybe the month has not gone the way it was pictured at the start, and this episode is being listened to anyway, with curiosity still intact. All of that is welcome here. None of it disqualifies anyone from anything.

This episode is built around a simple truth, that real change rarely moves in a straight line, and that what matters most is not whether this month matches some imagined version of progress, but what is actually happening, moment to moment, evening to evening.

Rather than assuming anything about where the listener has landed, this episode offers something physical to hold onto. A single object, chosen and held in one hand at the hour the evening usually shifts, whether or not that evening involves a drink. Not a replacement ritual to perform perfectly every night, but one small, physical anchor, something real and chosen, in a moment that has for a long time belonged to something else entirely.

This episode closes by naming something quietly significant, that simply continuing to listen, regardless of what the evenings have actually looked like, suggests an attention being paid that was not always there before, often the very first part of any real shift, long before behaviour catches up to it.
 
 If you find yourself wanting something to return to between these reflections, in the actual moment a habit like this one takes hold, I also built an app called Settle and Source. It offers a ninety-second guided practice for exactly the kind of moment this essay has been describing, the gap between noticing an urge and knowing what to do with it. It is not a replacement for anything here, simply another door, in case it is the right one for you. https://settleandsource.com


Settle and Source: The Podcast is created by Angela M. Carter, founder of Trauma Release Centre and a trained IFS therapist with over thirty years of clinical experience.

Each episode is a Sourel: a short voiced reflection set to sound. Designed for the small pauses of a full life.

Find Angela and more of her work at www.traumareleasecentre.com.

If today’s reflection landed for you, share it with someone who needs it. That’s how a quiet message travels in a loud world.

SPEAKER_00

Welcome. I'm glad you're here. This is the clearing. A special month-long companion for anyone choosing to put alcohol down this July, even just for a little while, to see what is on the other side of the habit. You don't have to have this figured out. You don't have to do dry July perfectly. You simply have to be curious about what might shift if you let your body and your mind have a little more space this month. Each week, we'll walk through something different together. What it feels like to break a pattern. What happens as the fog begins to lift? What it means to maintain something you have started to value. Settle in. This one is for you. Week two. Tuesday. Recognition. We are moving into the second week of the clearing. And I want to ask you something honestly. Without any expectation about what the answer should be. What is actually true for you right now? Maybe you've not had a drink since the first sorrel. Maybe you have more than once. And you are sitting with this series anyway. Still listening. Still curious. Even though things have not gone the way you might have pictured at the start. Maybe you've cut back without fully deciding to. Noticing a glass left unfinished. An evening that passed without you reaching for one at all. Almost by accident. Maybe nothing externally has changed yet. And the only shift so far has been internal. A growing awareness of the habit itself. Quiet curiosity. About what is underneath it. All of that is welcome here. None of it disqualifies you from anything. I think it matters to say this clearly. Because so much of how we talk about a process like this assumes a straight line. An early decision followed simply by a march towards some finish line at the end. Real change rarely moves that way. And I am far more interested in what is actually happening for you than in whether it matches some imagined version of progress. There's something important happening. Simply in your continuing to listen to these sorrows. Regardless of what your evenings have actually looked like, it suggests something in you is paying attention to this part of your life in a way you may not have paid attention to for. That attention is not nothing. It is often the very first part of any real shift, long before behavior catches up to it. I want to offer you something today that you can actually hold on to. Something physical rather than only a thought to carry around. Wherever you are this evening, whatever your evening actually contains, I would like you to choose one object. It can be anything, a stone from outside if you have one. A particular mug. A piece of jewelry you wear often. Something small enough to hold in one hand. Tonight, at the hour your evening usually shifts, whether that hour involves a drink or does not, I want you to simply hold that object for a moment. Feel its weight. Notice its temperature, its texture, whatever is actually tree true about it in your hand right now. This is not a replacement ritual. You need to perform perfectly every evening from now on. It is simply one small physical anchor, something to return to in a moment that has for a long time belonged to something else entirely. If you find yourself reaching for a drink, you can hold the object first, even just for a few seconds before you decide anything at all. If you are not reaching for a drink tonight, you can still hold it simply as a way of marking the hour, with something deliberate and chosen, rather than letting it pass unnoticed. You do not need to assign meaning to this object. You do not need it to represent anything brand. It is simply something real in your hand that you chose on purpose in a moment that used to run on autopilot. I will be back with you on Thursday. Wherever you find yourself between now and then. Whatever shifted, whatever didn't, let it be there. You don't have to understand it yet. You are exactly where you need to be in this process. The clearing continues three times a week throughout July. If this found you at the right moment, share it with another woman who might be doing this with you, even quietly, even on her own. Until the next one. Take good care of yourself.